A new day

Every day we can wake up and decide how our attitude will factor into our day.
Today I woke up with nothing on my schedule, so after a quite day reflecting on life, I decided to have a pity party. It's even harder to feel good about yourself, when people around you see what you need to do and tell you "just do it". Don't you think I'm fully aware of what I need?
I've spent hours surfing through job sites, applying for jobs, filling out resumes. Sometimes it feels like it's not going anywhere.
So just when I've had enough of today, I reach for my bible and open it to this....

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
You're blessed when you're content with just who you are- no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being care-full. you find yourselves cared for. You're blessed when you get your inside world-your mind and heart- put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family."

I guess I'm blessed :)

The Journey

I got this article in the mail from my mom.

It's about a family waiting to adopt a little boy from Ethiopia. They talked about how long of a process it is and how cruel at times it feels to wait.

The question was asked,

"Which is more important to God, the journey or the final destination?"

I think we all have goals and dreams, visions and places to strive for.
But God is much more concerned about the journey. In the journey is where we build character, where our faith gets tested and where we figure out who we really are.
It's like Peter walking on water. How long do you think it took Peter to get out of the boat? How many steps did he actually take? Do you think he walked with sure, confident steps, moving as if he were walking on the shoreline? Or did he step with slow steps, constantly fighting for balance as on thin ice?
"The journey Peter took from the boat to Jesus was more important to Jesus than the moment Peter arrived. The journey is what transformed Peter. As he drew close to Jesus, looking at the wind and waves, he began to sink. Suddenly, he felt the strong arm of the Lord pulling him up, thus ending that journey."
It was only then could Peter look back over his journey with deeper trust, with unswerving belief in who Jesus is and with future confidence to step into the unknown.

It's so easy to despise the journey. We/I want things now, patience is something we're not used to.

"If we despise the journey, we miss the transformation."

This is lesson 102 for me this week. I'm try to be thankful for the moment. I'm trying to stop obsessing over the future. What's your journey look like? Is it hard? Does it make you question everything? Are you enjoying the ride or speeding to the finish line?

Self Discovery Week

I had an interesting week trying to process transition to a new job. Saying goodbye, leaving on some awkward notes, learning about a new company/job, figuring out this new schedule....Finding out that didn't go as planned and now sitting here on Sunday, not really sure what the week brings.

Here are a few revelations I hope to blog more about as the week goes on.....
I obese about money
I have never not worked
I have to be in control

Me and God plan to spend lots of time going over these topics this week. God really is funny when I think about it. In many bouts of emotion, I cried out that I need a month off of life. Well, maybe I have just that.
More to come......

Stress

I'm a planner. I organize, make lists, plan ahead and things get done with little to no stress.

I don't deal well with things I can't control.

I don't deal well with stress.

I feel stressed.

I don't really like admitting that because to me it shows weakness in the fact that I over committed and under planned.

I will say that it's Thursday and my "list" for my week is almost done, making me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm dealing with a new career change, broken friendships, hurting people, lead others, event planning and trying to still be me through it all.

There is blessing in all of this.
God is drawing me closer to him.
He's teaching me to let go, take risks, not know all the answers.
It's a hard lesson to swallow, but one I know I don't want to forget. So in the midst of my week, I have cried out to him more than I have in a long time. I still have a lot of questions unanswered but I feel peace in spite of stress.

What are you stressed about??

Brain Thoughts

I just need to unload my brain. I feel like I have a lot of thoughts but no answers or directions.

So here is a glimpse into my thoughts...
~I feel I have no direction in my job. And I wonder if it is time to move on, but then that leads me to wonder what's next?
~I really enjoy being a wife and all that comes with that. I am obsessed (strong word) with homemaker blogs. I get frugal ideas and recipes that I love. They inspire me to be creative with my thoughts and time. I've learned how to make bread, granola, peanut butter, noodles and tons of baked goods. All of these things require lots of effort and time.
~Which brings me to my next thought of working full time. Am I being a good wife if I come home exhausted from a day at work and can barely muster a conversation with my husband? I know that I am not serving him as a godly woman, so should I cut down on my "career" to focus on a bigger priority, my husband and home?
~I love gardening and planting things because you can't mess up. Well, technically everything could die, but if you plant something and it doesn't look right, you can just move it somewhere else. It's very relaxing and I find myself wanting to do that more and more too!
~I want to visit Ohio before June. We are going home for over a week in June but I feel like so much is going on with my family that I need to go before that. Should I spend $500 to fly Mike and I home? My family is one thing that I don't want to put a price tag on and maybe I need to see them more than twice a year.
~I am becoming very frugal and I like it! I feel like the more extra money we have, the more we can give. This is really exciting to me! Oprah's adviser said to try to live on one person's salary and if your single, live on half your salary. Can you do it? I like the challenge!

So that's it. Thanks for reading my thoughts and sharing life with me! Love Yah!

Some lessons learned

So, in the process of growing up, I have stumbled upon a few lessons learned. I was thinking of writing a book called "Life Lessons Learned" and hand it down to my kid(s). But then I thought, even if my mom had told me all these things, I still would have wanted to test it out myself. So I think I will still write them down, for now on my blog, so I remember not to do it again.
Lesson #1
We should only have one dog. Two is too much work. You have double poo, double food and double trouble. It's easier to get off my butt and take Lucy for a thirty minute walk, then give her a playmate. It's also twice as expensive.
Lesson #2
You should start with one gallon of paint because the "custom" colors are non returnable. You can always go back to Home Depot and get another gallon. Does anyone want a gallon of dark yellow?

I will come back to this later. What would be on your lessons learned list?