Finding your value without a paycheck

For all of my teens/adult life, I've had a job. I might even say a career. There are many positive things that come from being productive and having purpose in your job. You have satisfaction knowing you worked hard, you get praise from your boss or patrons, you get a check at the end of the week that declares you are valued.

In this transition to motherhood season of my life, I am struggling with finding value. I feel confident that come July, I will have plenty of value caring for our home and a newborn. But right now, some days feel worthless.

Sure, I could get a job, but I don't plan on working in 4 months so that leaves me with few options. And I can't say that I have a desire to "work". I enjoy planning my days, not feeling rushed, taking time for myself and serving my family. I want to be like the Proverbs 31 wife, who senses the value of her work.

I'm sure I could put a dollar sign on all of the things I do now, and I could inflate that number to really impress you. But I'm not looking for a number, I want my heart to feel valued. I wonder why it is so hard to focus on the things God called us to make priorities, yet still feel like a slacker.

My prayer right now it that I would fill my life with more Jesus, more value through him. That he would become enough. That I could stop pressuring myself to "become" and just be. I want to be present in this moment (I am trying to stockpile some sleep :) And I want to be a vessel for him. Sometimes I think we can only do that when we are quiet. It's a very hard lesson to learn in an instant world.